Disney's Tangled and Parenting in 2010

I will start off by saying, we all know it's challenging to be a parent..deciding what's best for our children is a daily decision making process...In our family, we most often do this by listening to our kids and asking them what feels comfortable to them and honoring their own "intuition," which more often than not trumps our intuition.

After seeing Disney's Tangled movie yesterday, ...I had so many thoughts I needed to work out...writing seemed like the best way to work through them.

First off, I can say I think I LOVED this movie...of course after being 36 years old and seeing many different Disney movies/all movies, I was of course able to handle the villians, scary scenes, etc...BUT watching it with my 4 1/2 and 6 1/2 year old, I was wondering why we had even thought this movie was appropriate for children.

I think as parents with little kids...Pixar, Dreamworks, and Disney movies that are advertised to us as Family Films...we are all wondering just what content is appropriate for these young ages...I mean, it's a bit confusing, I think we relate "animation" to children, even though the concepts are not meant for children at all.

I have always had a twinge of regret letting our girls watch some of these classics...I have enjoyed them immensely, but now that my oldest can describe her feelings and thoughts much better, I am understanding the effect they have on our little ones...

While the movie, Tangled, is lovely with gorgeous characters (I mean gorgeous...handsome and beautiful characters) and the music we love and adore...there are many underlying messages that may be scary including: kidnapping, stabbing, disobeying a parent, having a parent that supposedly loves you, lying, jail, and dying. Now I know these are all concepts we eventually learn about and death is part of life, but it's how it's portrayed...basically as an attempted murder. I know Disney's Tangled is PG, but how young should kids be to see all of these concepts?? I saw kids younger than Gabi at 4 1/2 in the theater...I heard kids crying, etc.

I was shocked to see some of the scenes in this movie...the only reason we didn't leave is because my kids were hiding at all the "scary" parts! Bella and Gabi won't even go to the movies without ear plugs for the noise and the stroller. They hide under the double stroller and shut the shade when their "intuition" tells them it's not comfortable. They hide under their blankets, etc. to block out anything that doesn't feel good to them. I can't say for sure, but I don't know any other kids who do this...but it's what they want when they go to the movie. My kids don't even watch the previews...they hide for those too. The previews are often aimed at a much older audience.

My next thought of course, is maybe if they are scared at all, we should not be going to the movies, however, with Alan being an animator and video game developer and us loving 3D movies and Disney seeming to be for kids, we have gone...and they enjoy many of the parts, but I'm grateful they trust themselves enough to "look away" at things that don't feel good to them.

I understand teaching the "good vs. evil" thing and it's important for everyone to learn about contrast, etc...but how young should they be??

We talk to our girls a LOT and they are asking all sorts of questions now, especially Bella at 6 1/2...so they don't blindly watch something and see something scary or different without questioning us and asking us why did it happen, what does it mean...

Anyway, now, like at each stage of parenting, we are deciding what feels good to our family, our children and us...and we'll have to decide what we do next but we are definitely taking a break from Disney and some animated films that now seem a bit scary...

We passionately believe in deliberate creation and the Law of Attraction, so if we are teaching our kids "what you focus on expands, and what you think about your bring about" we need to consider what they watch and read and spend time doing, so their thoughts are focusing on positive things...there are many positives in all of these movies, but late at night, it seems that their mind focuses on the negative more for some reason.

Well, as we learn we will share... :)

No MORE Pooping in the Pantry!

Just 1 month shy of our daughter, Isabella Sara turning 4 1/2, she was finally ready to POOP IN THE TOILET! I just said the same things I always said to encourage her, like, "today's the day, are you ready??" She responded with, "no not today, I'll tell you when I'm ready, Please hurry get me a pull up!" Or, Mom, I'll be ready soon...I would say, when is soon, she said you know soon! Then she would proceed to hide somewhere, like a corner, or our pantry in the kitchen and say this, "MOm stop talking please, i can't concentrate! hmmm, i said, if you are saying things like concentrate, shouldn't you be ready to poop on the toilet????" Everyone asked if she was pooping in the toilet yet, I did even resort to bribery...we'd say, Bella, we'll get you a Barbie Jeep, and she would say, no thank you, I'm not ready...I have to admit, I didn't even bribe with candy like many moms and a lot of parenting books suggest...I just thought, when she's ready, she'll do it.

So this weekend, I was changing her pullup with poopies and she was so big, I just thought I'd suggest one more time..I said, "Bella, I just know you're ready to poop in toilet, I know it's scary, but you are so brave and I really believe you're ready...what do you think??" She said, "really Mom, you think so?" And the next day we took off her pullup and she did it! She was finally READY...I asked her, "so are you going to want the Barbie Jeep, she said, "No Mom, I just pooped in the toilet, let's not talk about it." Case closed...she has pooped in it since, but let's me know she is a bit scared though each time still. I can tell you this, they don't do anything until they are ready! So why worry? Just be patient...they all learn.

A "Love Time Out"

Lately, every time I am thinking something or explaining it to my husband, I have a hard time selling him on my ideas, because he doesn't read about disciplining the kids and I just get these messages from my heart. I don't have proof...well, lately, I somehow find something written that seems similar to what I am saying and thinking...I have been trying to explain this concept to my husband and to myself about discipline...that our kids need discipline if they are hurting another or being mean. If they are being sad, or crying or feeling left out or angry on their own, and they have a "tantrum" they need LOVE. I have said, it's hard to give love when they are screaming and yelling and inconsolable, but this is when they need it most. I believe when they cry and yell and act irrational...

!!!!! WAIT, I have to pause, Isabella is right now having a tantrum!!!! How ironic, I am typing about it and it's happening!!! Ok, I'm back...

So I was saying that when they get crazy they need love, they need us to teach them how to calm down, breathe, and relax and explain what they are feeling. I have been sitting with Isabella during her "tantrums" and hugging her, talking to her, or just petting her legs, til she calms down. I have called this a "LOVE TIME OUT" I tell her that her heart needs love and when she freaks out like this it is not good for her body. She shakes, yells, screams, cries, etc. She can't calm down. I have always felt it's my job to help her learn. I tell her to breathe, take a few breaths, I call them Yoga Breaths, and try to calm down. Try to tell me what's upsetting her and see how we can create a solution together. I am grateful that I can be home with my girls and have the time to teach them and learn from them. It does take an enormous amount of time and patience. Sometimes, it doesn't help but I sing to her to distract her...not something beautiful, I sing a hit from the 70's...it goes like this...AAHH FREAKOUT, YEAH, SHE'S A SUPERFREAK, SHE'S SUPERFREAKY....I know this is not appreciated, but sometimes it makes her laugh.

Anyway, today, and everyday I am expanding my world of knowledge and found this article talking about this very thing: http://www.inspiredparentingmagazine.com/articles/shomphe_lori/article1.html
It may not be for everyone, but it was great for me to hear that someone else has found this method to be beneficial for their family.